Sermons/Discussions

Marriage is Tough Business

Article for the Newsletter

The Rev. Matt Kennedy

The Church of the Good Shepherd

Getting married is tough business. One evening last week I came home from the office, sat down on the couch, kicked off my shoes, put my feet on the coffee table, clicked on the news on and proceeded to relax.

I noticed that Anne was home and gave her a cheery, thoughtful, “hello” then turned back to the news. It was time to vegetate, to zone out and recuperate from the day. I was having a great time too. The news was interesting that day (I forgot what it was though) and my feet were beginning to unscrunch themselves after being shoved into dress shoes for 8 hours and my shoulders were getting looser by the moment. It was going to be a good evening.

Just about then I noticed this presence beside me. It was a silent, brooding presence. Looking over I realized that it was Anne. “Well, hello sweetheart, you wanna watch some TV?”

Silent, pregnant pause… “Um actually no, the kitchen is a mess, Emma is screaming, don't tell me you can't hear her [women never have understood this point but over the years men have developed the physical capacity to hear on a selective basis. If a man is focused on listening to something, in my case the TV, then all other sound fades into this generic fuzzy background buzz. I have tried explaining this to Anne many times but she just won't get it], the dishwasher is full, there are dirty plates piled up all over the counters, dinner isn't near being started much less done…Matt? Matt? MATT?”

  “What?”

  “Aren't you listening to me?”

  “Of course I am sweetheart.”

  “Can you look at me then?”

  “Sure.”

  “Did you hear anything I just said?”

  “I heard everything. Oh, by the way princess, when will dinner be ready?”

And with that, my nice evening of relaxation was over. Anne's workday was hardly over at five. She had been working non-stop from the time I left for work and she still had piles of work to do. She had been looking forward to my return for hours. She wanted me to take the trash from the kitchen to the garage, look under the couch for some spoons that Emma had hidden, and to tell me about all of the things Emma had done that day. She needed a break. But when I came home all I did was give her a cursory glance, grunt out a greeting of sorts and plop down on the couch. Not wanting to give up she came to sit down and talk with me, but I was so absorbed in the news that I didn't even know she was there. So finally, after our little conversation, she lost it.

Does this sound familiar?

Like I said, marriage can be tough. When I lived alone I didn't have to talk to anyone after work. I could just walk in and plop down on the couch and glaze over the rest of the night. When Anne lived alone there were lots of men who wanted to talk to her. And when she wanted conversation and attention they were more than ready to give it.

Being married has changed all of that. Over the last two years we have had to learn to adjust to each other. Our personalities, habits, likes, dislikes have had to mesh and blend. I have noticed in just this short time that I am a different man and Anne has noticed that she has become a different woman. The changes have sometimes been difficult, but having Anne in my life and being able to share myself with her is worth more than having things my way and vice versa.

 The Scriptures often use marriage as analogy for the relationship God has with his people. Just this last Sunday in the Old Testament reading from Isaiah, God promised to love his people as a new husband loves his bride, “No longer will they call you Deserted, or your name be Desolate. But…as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride so will God rejoice over you.” (Isaiah 62:4-5).

Genesis in fact implies that marriage was given to us as a sign and a reflection of the relationship God wants to have with us and offers to us in Jesus Christ. When you accept his offer and surrender yourself to Jesus Christ, you are in a very real sense a newlywed. From that moment on God delights in you and takes you into his heart and home.

Now, like any marriage there will be problems. We human beings start off pretty much set in our ways. Often we want God to serve us and to give us everything we like while at the same time we tune out his Word to us and fail to apply his loving guidance. Sometimes we see God as the means to our own ends rather than the End toward which all creation is a means.

But over the course of your relationship with Jesus, as your love for him grows and fills your heart, you will notice that these things become easier and easier to give up. The way you lived before your marriage to Christ will become less and less attractive and the new transformed life you live will seem sweet and rich and full.

For me, this relationship, like marriage, has sometimes difficult and painful, but as I look back and see that the ordinary water of my previous life has been transformed by the power of Christ into the finest of wines I have no regrets. The changes may have sometimes been difficult, but the joy of having Jesus in my life and being able to share my life with him is worth more to me than all the pleasures I once treasured and treasures I once desired.

I pray that everyone who reads this who has not taken up God's offer in Jesus Christ will do so. God offers himself to you in Christ because he delights in you. He wants to take you into his home, lift the burdens you carry off your back, wipe away the sins and mistakes of your past and give you a new start and a new life that will never end. You can start this new life today. All it takes is a prayer.

The Rev. Matt Kennedy+