Recently there was an Italian Ocean liner full of tourists that ran into rough seas off the southern tip of Africa . The waters there are the roughest in the world, but on this day they were especially so. As the liner rounded the cape, it was struck broadside by a very large rogue wave, nearly causing her to capsize. The ship managed to stay afloat but the wave did enough damage that the captain was forced to call for the passengers to abandon ship. Fortunately for them, they were relatively close to land. Unfortunately, the seas were so rough it was impossible to pilot a lifeboat safely. The only way to get off the ship was by helicopter. The South African Navy started to work that evening and by the next day the entire ship had been evacuated and not one person was lost. However, there was one person missing. The captain. It turns out that soon after he had radioed for help the captain and some of his crew boarded the first Navy helicopter and flew ashore, leaving the women, children behind to fend for themselves. For the next 24 hours the captain sat on the beach wrapped in a blanket and watched as Navy pilots and swimmers risked their lives to rescue the people he left behind.

 As captain, as leader, he was responsible for every soul on board. He was the head, but he abandoned his ship and all the passengers under his care when they needed him most.

This story, discouraging as it is, stands as a metaphor for the failure of married men in the west, America in particular, to live up to their divinely ordained role and responsibility as leader, or "head", of the family.

This morning we're going to begin a series on marriage and family life based on today's passage from Ephesians chapter 5 and the concept of headship.

Today I'll concentrate on role of the husband. Next Sunday Anne will preach on the role of wives in a marriage (we decided it was a good idea for Anne to preach on submission so I don't get in trouble).

If you're a husband or a man or boy who is planning to be married someday, the principles in this passage, if applied faithfully, are essential. In fact, if you were to uncover the root cause of almost every failed marriage you would almost invariably find a man who, like the Captain of that ship, has abandoned the headship role. Likewise if you wonder why some marriages and families seem so content and free of crisis, the secret is found in the model of family relationships given here in Ephesians.

I want to start with concept revealed in verse 23: “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” The concept of headship undergirds the entire text. Miss it or skip it and you'll completely miss the point.

 Headship is first and foremost exercised by Christ in relationship to the church. What is the Church? Who can give me a quick definition of the Church?

In the scriptures the Church is the body of believers. All who have committed their lives to Jesus Christ, regardless of denomination, comprise the church. They are bound together as one because each and every believer is indwelled or inhabited by the One Holy Spirit. We are therefore one family attached at the heart forever.

The Church is described here in Ephesians 5 and elsewhere as a body. If you're a believer you are like one of the organs or appendages of a human body. You have a God given role or function in the body. You've been given spiritual gifts to fill that function. But like every body, this body, the Church has a head. That head is Christ.

One of the best places to look to understand how his headship works is Romans chapter 5:12-25.

There Paul distinguishes two heads: two representatives of two distinct bodies. The first head is Adam. All human beings are born naturally under the headship of Adam. His rebellion in Eden counts for and effects all of humanity so that all of his offspring, all human beings, are born rebels--with hearts oriented away from God and toward the self.

Living under the headship of Adam means that when a person is old enough to know right from wrong, he will invariably choose to follow Adam in his rebellion. It means  that you don't have to teach your kids to disobey or to lie or be selfish, they know these things instinctively and so do I and so do you because we are children of Adam, born under his headship.

And when Jesus returns those who remain in Adam will be judged in accordance with his rebellion.

Some may object here that Adam was not the first one to rebel against God in the garden.

Eve was.

So why does Paul consider Adam the head of rebellious humanity and not Eve?

There is a reason. Adam, as Eve's husband, was responsible for the choices she made.

He did not cause her fall, she made the choice, but he, as the head, was responsible.

When a ship sinks, who's responsible? The captain. But what if it was a sailor's mistake that caused the boat to sink? It doesn't matter. The Captain of the ship, the head, is responsible for everything that takes place on the ship, the body. This doesn't mean he is to "blame". The sailor would be to blame. But it does mean that the captain is held responsible.

In the same way, Eve fell because she took the fruit but her decision was Adam's responsibility.

As head, it was his responsibility to see to it that she knew the commands of God; to protect her when she was being deceived by the serpent; and to speak in her defense. He did none of those things. He sat by passively as his wife fell.

And so when God called them to account he did not call to Eve first even though he knew it was Eve who ate the fruit. He called to Adam to answer because Adam is the head.

And he's not only the head of Eve, he is the head of all their offspring right up to this day. Adam is the head of fallen humanity.

But Paul tells us that God has established second head and second family on earth and that family is represented by the second Adam who is? Christ. And here's the promise. If you do not want to counted as a son or daughter of Adam and represented under Adam's headship; you can surrender your life to Jesus Christ and be reborn under Christ's headship. When you do that you are counted or judged under Christ. As your head, Christ's righteous works, rather than Adam's rebellion, counts on your behalf. And your sins, for all time, are destroyed on his cross. At the judgment you will be found in Christ. His obedience will count as your obedience.

Moreover, just as Adam was responsible for Eve, Christ then becomes responsible for you. But unlike Adam, he's not a derelict Captain. He moves into your life and everything that concerns you becomes his concern. He's involved in your work, your school, your marriage, your mind, your heart. You are filled with the Holy Spirit and through the Spirit, Christ, your head begins to cleans you through his blood and his word, making you holy so that Jesus' righteousness, over time, is reflected in the way you think, speak and act.

As your head, Jesus sets and defines the limits of your behavior. You are given a law. But, and this is a very important point in understanding headship, Love comes before the law. You do not obey Christ's law because you want Jesus to love you; as a condition of winning his love. He loves you first. He embraces you first, he saves you first and gives you life first, and as a result of being loved by Jesus, you obey his law, not to win his love but because you love him and you want to please him. That's the way Jesus' headship acts in the life of the believer. Jesus comes into the deepest parts of your soul and knows you and loves you. You can go to him and cry out to him and speak to him about anything. He is your comfort and your joy. That's why you follow him, because he loves you, he's taken you under his wing and become responsible for you.

  That is what Paul means in Ephesians 5:23 when he says that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. Husbands are responsible for their wives and children in the same way that Jesus is responsible for believers. God, in fact, created marriage to be a living symbol or illustration of the relationship between Christ and his people.

Notice that Ephesians 23 is not in the imperative. If it were it would read, “husbands be the head of your wives as Christ is the head of the Church.” It would be a command. Instead, it is not a command but a description. The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. It describes the way things are, not the way things ought to be.

The relationship of a husband toward his wife is a mirror reflecting the relationship between Jesus and the Church. Let me put it another way. God designed marriage to tell the world about Jesus and the people he loves. The husband is a model of Christ and the wife is a model of the church. As a husband you are daily telling a story about Jesus to your wife and family and to the world. The question is, are you telling the true story of Christ's headship or are you telling a lie?

Here is how Douglas Wilson puts it in his book Reforming Marriage:

In this passage of Ephesians, Paul tells us that husbands in their role as head, provide the picture of Christ and the Church. Every marriage everywhere is a picture of Christ and the church. Because of sin and rebellion, many of these pictures are slanderous lies concerning Christ. But a husband can never stop talking about Christ and church. If he is obedient to God, he is preaching the truth; if he does not love his wife, he is speaking apostasy and lies—but he is always talking. If he deserts his wife, he is saying that this is the way Christ deserts his bride—a lie. If he is harsh with his wife and strikes her, he is saying that Christ is harsh with his church—another lie. IF he sleeps with another woman, he is an adulterer and a blasphemer as well. How could Christ love someone other than his own bride?

Everything you do as a husband tells a story about Jesus to your wife, your kids, and the world. That story can either be true or false. We're not just talking about the big things. How often do you sit down face to face and listen to your wife? How often do you talk to her? How often do you choose your pastime or your work or your friends over your wife? What does that say about Jesus? How important is it to you that your wife and kids know the bible and know Jesus and worship him? Who do you think God will call to account if they fall away, if they live rebellious lives?

You are the head. You are responsible for telling your family and the world by word and deed about Jesus Christ.

I imagine that there are many men out there who feel somewhat like that derelict captain from the Italian liner. I often feel like that too. In my short time as a father and husband I am certain that I have told many lies about Christ.

But one thing I know from this bible is that it is never too late. Men, if we repent and turn to Christ, our head, he will forgive and restore us. And he can and will restore our families and our marriages. There is no crisis to deep or marriage too broken.

God can do all things.

But first we've got to repent, stand up like men, and get back on the boats we've abandoned.

Amen.