This sermon is the last one in our series on marriage based on Ephesians 5. So far we've defined the husband's headship, likening it to the captain of a ship. We've defined the submission of the Christian wife and Anne has done a fantastic job tackling that one for me. And we've discussed the character or nature of behavior to be used in bringing the family, the great ship, to the God ordained port or goal. Husbands must love their wives with an active self-giving, sacrificial love, a love that means putting job, hobbies, habits and desires on a secondary level and making your wife the most important person in your life after God, loving her with the same love that Jesus has for his people. Wives must honor, respect, support and submit to their husband's leadership willingly even when he doesn't seem to be making the right decisions. And if the husband loves and the wife respects her husband, both husband and wife are drawn closer together, the bond between them is strengthened and the true picture of the relationship between Jesus and his people emerges for all the world to see.

But this morning we are going to take a look at the port, the goal, toward which the husband, as has been called and to lead his wife and family. Let's open our bibles to Ephesians 5:25-28

“Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by washing with water through the Word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own body. He who loves his wife, loves himself.”

Last time I preached, we talked about verse 25: husbands are to love their wives by giving themselves up like Jesus gave himself up for the church. But why did Jesus give himself up? What was his purpose? We see it right here: “to make her” and by “her” he means us, believers, the church, “to make her holy by washing with water through the word and to present her to himself as a radiant church.”

Let's break this down a bit. Jesus came into a world that was lost to find and bring lost people home. He did that because even though this world, even though I have rejected him and you have rejected him, he loves us. Now you might be thinking, wait a minute, I've never rejected Jesus? But the bible teaches that those who love God and love his Son obey his commands (John 14:15). How many people have always obeyed God and never committed a sin? Love for God is expressed in your actions. It doesn't mean anything to say, “I love God” and then live a life that displeases him any more than it makes sense say you love your wife and then mistreat, neglect or abuse her. True love is always matched with action. So is rejection. Disobedience is a sign of rejection. Now the bible teaches that since we have all been disobedient, we have all rejected God, we have all chosen to walk apart from him and if God didn't come after us we would keep walking apart from him forever. God is not a puppetmaster. If you really don't want him, he'll give you what you want.

But God loves you. God loves the world. So he came down in the person of Jesus. He gave himself up to find us. He did that in two ways. First he came to give us his word. And his word is that if you want to come home to the Father, you can. Jesus says, “if you repent of your sins and surrender your heart to me, invite me into your heart and commit your life to being my follower, I will forgive all of your sins and come into your heart and live with you forever.”

Now everyone who hears this word, this good news, and accepts it, is brought home. Their sins are forgiven and they're cleansed or made pure. The gospel of Jesus Christ washes you clean if you accept it. But then after you are forgiven and Jesus comes to live in your heart, then you can really begin to love God not just in your feelings but in your actions too. You can live a life of holiness and purity and that leads to peace. God begins to transform your heart so that over time you act and think and behave more and more like Jesus until one day, in heaven, you're made pure and whole and radiant along with everyone else who believes.

Now, turn back to our passage. Jesus loved us and gave himself up for us to cleanse us, washing us with water through with his word? Now in doing this, in finding lost people, giving us his word, and bringing us home to the father, Jesus fulfilled his role as head of the church. And Paul says in the same way husbands are to be head of their wives and families. Husbands the reason God has given you a wife and children is so that by giving up yourself, sacrificing yourself on their behalf in love you can build a Christian family. That is the goal.

Listen to what God says through the prophet Malachi:

“15 Has not the LORD made them one? …And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.” (Malachi 2:15)

Now, Jesus Christ, the head of the Church, lived and died to bring us to the Father. Father's and husbands are called to first bring your families to Christ and then deepen their walk. You are to wash them in water with the word. That is your task. And so in a way, God has appointed you to be the pastor of your family. It's your responsibility to pass on the faith. The effect of a faithful father in the home is dramatic. I've passed out these statistics before, but I think I should do it again this morning: They are taken from Christian statistician George Barna

• In families where both parents take their faith seriously and attend church regularly, there is an 85 percent chance that their children will do the same.

• In families where just the mother takes her faith seriously and goes to church on a regular basis, there is less than a 40 percent chance that the children will do the same.

• In families where just the father goes to church and takes his faith seriously, there is over 70 percent chance that the children will continue going to church and take their faith seriously as well.

As a father and husband, what you do has an incredible influence on the faith of your family. This is not an accident. God has designed it this way. Ephesians 5:23 says you are the head. You just are, whether you live it out or live up to it or not, you are the head. What you do and say is vital to the health and wellbeing of your family.

So what does God want you to do with that influence? Build godly homes, produce godly offspring. And the only way to do that is by conforming yourself to his Son. There four ways Jesus made his people holy.

First he gave himself up in love for them. We spoke about that already today and in my last sermon.

Second, you build a godly home by leading a godly life. Kids are like sponges. They see everything you do and they store it away. I think every parent has had the experience of maybe getting cut off by another driver and cussing in the heat of the moment. Then you get to grandma's house and little Johnny opens his mouth and out comes this horrible thing that you said in the car. That mimicking and that instinct to follow, doesn't go away with age. Kids hear and watch all that you do as long as they are in your home. You tell them to respect their mom and treat her with deference and they see you neglect her or ignore her or treat her like a second class member of the family in your home, well, that's powerful. If they see you on drugs, breaking the law, lying, cheating, all of this gets encoded in their brains and into their souls. You're the head. Your way of life is being patterned into your children as they watch what you do.

So knowing that you're passing on a pattern means that you want pattern a Christian life. This does not mean be perfect. It does mean that your kids should see you honestly and transparently trying to conform your life to Jesus Christ. When you mess up, they should see you admit it, repent, and make amends. When you feel lost or weak or unsure, it's okay to let them see that too. But if, in all things they see you seeking God, trusting God, wanting to be faithful thing, you'll pattern the same desire into your family.

Third, as pastor of your home make it your ambition to know the bible, know the word of God and pass it on. Jesus is a teacher. He washes his church in the word. Husbands are to do the same. How many conversations about the bible do you have in your home? Do your kids know the ten commandments? Do your kids know how to be saved? It's easy to get caught up in whether your kid sits on the bench or makes first string or whether he knows how to throw a ball, but when you stand before the throne of Christ, he's not going to ask whether your son can throw a fast-ball. He's going to say, I set my child in your hands for 18 years, did you introduce him to me?

Finally Jesus passed on holy habits. Jesus disciples often had to go look for him, because he was off by himself praying. He taught them to pray. They saw him in the synagogue every Sabbath. They saw him celebrating the feasts. They saw him putting his time with his father first, above all things. As the stats I quoted earlier make clear, your level of commitment to prayer, bible study, and church is the determing factor in the way your kids will commit or not commit to prayer bible study and church in their own lives. If it's a chore, if your wife has to nag you, if you find any excuse to stay away, don't be shocked when your adult son or daughter never darkens the church door. If you never pray or read your bible and never talk about it, don't be shocked when they don't either. They're just following your example. Live a life of holy discipline. Lead your family to the bible. Lead your family in prayer, lead your family to church. They will follow.