Submission for me, as perhaps for many of you, has been, for the most part, a bad word. When Matt and I were first married, probably within a few weeks, maybe within a few days—Matt learned that the best way to push my buttons and get me to totally overreact was to bellow joyfully, ‘submit!' or even just ‘Ephesians 5'. And I'd bellow back, ‘in your dreams'. Because, truth be told, neither of us really knew what the theological concepts of ‘headship' and ‘submission' really involved and so we used them as a way to pick at each other when we had nothing else more important to fight about.

 

But God was merciful. In the midst of our youth and ignorance, God began to mold and shape the virtues of holiness and faithfulness in our hearts—both individually and together. You long-married people know what I'm talking about. You have children, you live together and learn to get along, and God makes you a better person. Assuming you cooperate with him.

 

And then one day Matt came into the living room where I was struggling and wrestling with the bills—you'll be happy to know, given Matt's proficiency at losing his keys, that I am the one who works through our family finances and bills—and I happened to ask him what he thought we should do with some money, I can't remember the details. And his jaw fell open. And his face lit up and he sat down and helped me with the bills and then cooked dinner.

 

I had no idea what happened. Later, after some serious reading, I learned that I had communicated to Matt, for the first time in probably weeks, respect, honor and importance. I had spoken his language. Without meaning to, I had submitted myself to him in love. Honestly, it had not been my plan, it just happened.

 

Turn with me again to Ephesians 5, verse 22,

‘Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”

 

Matt and I, in our discussions of this topic and the possibility of preaching on it, discovered, as you learned last week, that the doctrinal concepts of headship and submission cannot be covered in one week.

And we discovered that we feel strongly enough about them, and have enough to say that this is going to take some time. Matt will preach again next week on Headship and then we'll flip back to Submission and so on. Hopefully you will find a certain kind of lovely conversation take place over this important Scripture, and find that you can hear it, and submit yourself to it, in a new and fresh way.

 

So, this morning, let's just start with the phrase, ‘as to the Lord', verse 22. This is the place we begin. In the course of this series we may have things to say about marriage and the relationships between men and women in a general or secular sense, but that is not MY primary concern. Our primary point of view is that of Christians. We are In the Lord . Everything we say or do or think in life should be defined primarily by our relationship to Christ. And given that marriage—all marriage—is a reflection of Christ and the Church, we will begin with Christ himself.

 

Christ is the Head of the Church, the author/the means of our salvation. We are his body, but Christ is also, in his relationship to God his Father, the perfect example of Christian Submission.

 

So, Christ himself, in his two primary relationships—to God his Father, and to us the Church—perfectly models both Headship and Submission. We need look no further. How did Christ submit to his Father?

Well, read carefully the gospels. Everything that Jesus said, did, taught, engaged in pointed back to his Father. His ministry, his mission, was to draw all humanity back to the Father. Humbling himself to the lowly position of a baby, suffering with a sinful and broken world, and finally walking his steady way to the cross, Jesus never got off track. He was perfectly obedient. God, his Father, wanted a remedy to sin, a way for us to escape death, choose Jesus to be that remedy, to be the bridge back, and Jesus did that job, perfectly.

 

There is one moment in Jesus' life that makes this obedience, this submission, explicit—Jesus, the evening before his trial and execution, suffering in the garden. He knows what he is facing. He knows he is going to die. And he doesn't want to. His friends are sleeping. He is lonely and troubled. He enters into deep in prayer with his Father and he lays it on the line. Father, he says, I don't want to do this. I don't want to suffer and die. If there is anything you can think of, any other way to accomplish your purpose, please, please, please let me off the hook. And what happens? Right, his Father says no. There isn't any other way. I love these people so much, I want them back enough to carry through on this. And what does Jesus do? Does he stand up and dance around and say, No, me me me, my will? No, he says, your will be done. The two acted in concert, in one mind. Christ gave himself fully to the will of his Father, his head, in perfect love, perfect obedience, perfect hope. And, God, his Father, accomplished, through him, the salvation of the whole world. We wouldn't be here this morning if the Son had not perfectly submitted himself to the perfect will of the Father.

 

So, back to ‘As to the Lord'. Every Christian, with the example of Jesus before their eyes, submits himself or herself to God. That is what happens in conversion. When you are converted to God and away from yourself, you submit to God. You set your agenda, your plans, yourself aside, and you take on Christ.

You become part of the body, the family, the household of Faith. And, because God is perfect and holy, by taking on his plan, his agenda, you, whatever the difficulty of life, will always be walking in the right direction—towards eternal life. As Christians, we submit to God in Christ. That is what we all do. However imperfectly. We strive always to be obedient to God, to serve him, to love him, to do his will.

 

In other words, ‘As to the Lord' provides the context in which we may now look at marriage.

 

This leads me to what Submission, in Marriage, is Not. First, Submission, in Marriage, is not Perfect

Only God is perfect. When we, in our human fallen relationships, Especially marriage, Submit to One Another in Love, we do it incompletely, imperfectly. We let ourselves get in the way. And that's ok.

The thing is to go ahead and try, you'll get better over time. Just keep in mind that only God is perfect.

 

Second, Submission, in Marriage, is not a sign of Weakness. It does not come from weakness. True Christian submission comes from a position of strength—the strength and power of Christ himself.

It took immense strength for Jesus, knowing what was going to happen and how painful it would be—and not just the physical suffering of crucifixion, but the spiritual suffering of being separated from his Father—that's what's going on when Jesus cries out, my God, why have you forsaken me—it took immense strength for him to go ahead and do it. True Christian submission is something you choose to do through the strength and power of the Holy Spirit.

 

And finally, Submission, in Marriage, is not rank reckless Servitude. Submission is not laying yourself down in front of any old guy and saying, ok, I'm nothing, I'll do whatever you want. You be in charge.

I have no mind, no feelings, no opinions. I'll just clean the house endlessly and work my fingers to the bone without complaining, except to my friends and my mother. That is not submission. And neither is it tolerating abuse. If you're being abused, get out. And then come talk to me.

 

I'm going to end with an example of what headship/submission can and should look like, and then next time we'll get down to the nitty-gritty.

 

Many of you know that I'm back in school, Getting a second MA Which I need like a hole in the head.

I only found out about my program this last February. The email came up in my box and I was immediately interested. But I knew it was a ridiculous enterprise and so I just let it sit there.

Well, Matt, in his usual way, Got into my email—we check each other's email, that's how we communicate--and read about the program and immediately got on my case about applying.

He didn't just get on my case, he said straight out: "Anne, this program was designed for you, I insist that you do it."

I argued for a bit—its insane, I'm very pregnant, we don't have money, we don't have time, I have to go to St. Louis 3 times a year for four days at a time, this is insane. But he patiently answered all my objections and finally said I insist that you do this.

And so I am. It doesn't make sense to me. But Matt loves me, probably even more than I love myself. And God loves me certainly more than I love myself And so I have submitted my will to both of them and am doing this thing, which I happen to love, because they want me to.

 

Next time we are going to straight out define Submission, having said what it is not and only had a taste of what it is And outline some good solid principles for how to engage in it. Between now and next time I want you to do some homework. I want you all, men and women to read over this short text Every day

And ask God to show you in your lives How you are living this out And how you are not So that when you come back next week And the week after You have some solid examples in your head Of what you need to work on What problems there are What things are going well. Let your own lives sit under the example of Christ Let his perfect submission open the way for you to be obedient to God in every aspect of your life.

Amen.

Amen