Update February 8th, 2008

Dear Good Shepherd,

Good Morning. Below you will find both the weekly Update and the weekly article. This week's article is another fine offering by Micah Towery, our youth minister. He writes about how important it is to for parents not to take a passive or inactive role in imparting faith. We can't just sit back and hope they make the right decisions. Thank you to Micah for a great reminder.

Of course, this being his second article on parenting, I'll be sure to remind Micah of all these things when he actually has kids...it gets a little more tricky at that point... : )

WEEKLY ARTICLE

How To Leave A Legacy Of Faith?
by Micah Towery

We should first ask ourselves what sort of legacy our parents left for us. I am convinced that most of our adult lives are lived trying to fix our childhood, trying to fill its inadequacies, right its wrongs, break or repair the various boundaries. Oftentimes, this means our own children are often exposed to the very same issues, and often end up with a similar legacy as you were left (or diametrically opposite, depending on your reaction to your own parents). As the saying goes, mirror, mirror on the wall, I've become my father after all.

For some of you, maybe that's not so bad. I know as I have grown older, many of the things I despised about my own dad have turned to admiration. For example, I hated him getting me up for church every morning at 6 am. I also hated him for the work he sometimes made me do around the house (which I've come to realize now wasn't actually that much). I'm actually reminded of a very famous (a relative term when we speak about poetry) Robert Hayden poem. This poem in particular has a lot of resonance for me, because my father actually did get up in the middle of the night, and very early in the morning to feed a woodstove we used to heat our house.

Those Winter Sundays
by Robert Hayden

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blue-black cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I'd wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he'd call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love's austere and lonely offices?

Of course, the beauty of this poem centers around the unthanked works of love a parent does for his or her family. The house is not without its faults and "chronic angers," and yet there is an overwhelming sense of love. The saddest part of this poem is the lament at the end: "What did I know of love's austere and lonely offices?" How could I possibly know, he asks, what it even meant for a parent to love a child? And this, of course, lies at the heart of many difficulties between parent and child. Children rarely realize the importance of the smallest tasks of parenthood, the tiniest ways (and often most tiring) that parents express love. Even the most sacrificial and understanding child can never fully come to grips to the work of a parent. In many ways, children come into the world speaking a separate language, and it is the job of a parent to teach them the language of the world.

This is not to say acquaint your children with all the terrible ways of the world, the way a mob boss might bring his son up in "the family business." Instead, bring them up in the language of faith, particularly a faith that has seen the world and its ways, knows the corruption. Consider the example of Abraham, demonstrative of his own faithfulness to God even to the point of sacrificing his son. I imagine the reason Isaac never resisted was because he saw the faithfulness of his father, and, his own being threatened, made the conscious decision to follow the example of his father, to trust in the legacy Abraham was setting before him. Abraham never masks the difficulty of the task before him, he only says that God will provide the lamb. I think we can all imagine how incredibly difficult the task of Abraham is, and yet, Abraham is only following another example. He has seen God's demonstrated faithfulness towards him, and he trusts in that faithfulness. Abraham's faith is not about Abraham, it is about God. Our own faith is a mirror of God's faithfulness, and it is something to be worked out with fear and trembling.

So where do kids come into the equation on this? One thing that is clear, particularly from the story of Abraham: faith is simply an internal thing, but rather a seed that is planted internally that blossoms out. Without blossoms, the tree is dead, and no good. It is a dead faith. So if you are concerned with leaving a legacy of faith for your children, you must make sure first your own faith is alive and blossoming forth. Children will naturally see this, and be able to learn from example. But it is more than just by example that children learn. Parents must actively instruct children. Going to church means nothing if you don't speak about God to your children in your own home. The Old Testament instructs the Jews to talk constantly about scriptures to their children: when they are at home, when they are walking along the road, when they are washing at the river. This is a legacy for parents, especially those who did not grow up in a Christian household.

There is, of course, the question of how to practically work this out. But again, I think if we practice these things in our own lives, constantly think upon scriptures when we are at home, in bed, or out walking, or washing our clothes, it will come out naturally. We will find how these things work for us, and be constrained by their truth to share them with those we love, especially our children. This is, of course, one of the many catch-22's in scripture: obey and obedience will come; have faith and faith will be given to you. Yet what other model could there be? My father grew up without a steady father figure (his real father died before he was born, and his step-father was lacking in many vital ways), and yet, he became father, nonetheless.

We have examples, and legacies of parenthood left for us. The ultimate model, of course, is our Father in Heaven. And yet at the same time, that statement seems so meaningless when we are confronted by the daily difficulties of life. Yet, we have the example of Abraham, who stepped out in faith, because God had left a legacy of faith for him, both in his demonstrated faithfulness, and guidance/chastisement of Abraham when he went astray. A legacy, then, is twofold: demonstration as well as guidance/explanation.

It has been said to always preach the Gospel and use words if you must. When it comes to raising children, this is somewhat of an absurd statement. They do not grow up naturally speaking the language of the Gospel, though in many ways, they are predisposed to have a beautiful (and surprisingly deep) faith. This is why Christ encourages us to have faith as a child. But this comes more from the fact that many children live in a constant state of trust. It is not hard for them to believe there is a God who says not to worry about what tomorrow brings, because they are not acquainted with such worry. Yet as they grow, they become quickly acquainted with all the imperfections of the world. And it is the job of a parent to demonstrate how faith can grow despite difficulties. A child's faith is almost perfect because it is not in the world. In the same way, we are not to be in the world. This does not mean being ignorant of it in the same ways a child might be, but rather shrewd as serpents, and gentle as doves, as Christ advises. It is then, the responsibility of a parent to instill faith in children early on, and to guard it as that child grows.

This is not to say you've failed as a parent if you did not instill faith early, only that your job is more difficult from this point on. You spent the early part of their life teaching them one thing, and now are trying to teach them something completely different. I do not envy your task. Clearly, this article could never be long enough to capture all the various tasks of a parents in leaving a legacy of faith, especially given all the unique situations out there, yet the basic rule remains the same: a legacy of faith involves both demonstration of your own faith, and verbal communication of it to your children through your guidance in their own life.

This communication should not be understood as a sort of indoctrination. Often, demonstration and communication dovetail. For me the most vivid memories of childhood involving my own father are the times when he led family Bible studies during breakfast, and times when he took time from his busy schedule to spend time with me, or do something special and out of the ordinary for the family. It was during the latter times when I was most open to speaking with my own dad about faith, indeed when I desired it most. His demonstration of love (not just love, but the realization that he actually liked who I was as a person) opened something inside me that made me willing to hear the lessons he had to give. As a parent, realize that it is not just about firing the stove and showing love that way, but through direct and loving interaction. You must use words. Simple actions will never do.